Lately, I have been thinking about the measure of my life. Perhaps it was losing so many of my family members in such a short period of time. Or it could have been almost losing the boys in the accident and Alex twice more after that. It could be because my 20 year high school reunion is this year. More than likely, it is because I am going to be, ummm, 40 next year.
What have I really accomplished in those 40 years? What about all of the dreams I had for my life? How will I check off these bucket list items, and who in the world thought it was a good idea to pressure people to create bucket lists in the first place?!?!
My life simply didn’t turn out like I intended it to and most likely, my life is already half way over. For all I know, it could be over tomorrow. Three generations from now, no one will remember me, other than by name. I will be a person that family members tell stories about. My image only captured by photographs. Sounds quite melodramatic, but it is simply the truth. The earth is billions of years old. My short time here means nothing against those numbers.
I’ve come to terms that my life is not going to have this monumental change on the world that can be measured. I won’t be famous for a medical breakthrough. Obviously, and if you know me, I most definitely will not be a Grammy award winning singer. I will never be the President of the United States. Thankfully, I believe that God does have purpose for me here, even if it cannot be measured by those standards.
After the accident, we started using the saying, “You only get one life, so live it.” I’m trying to determine now what it means to actually live. What is happiness? At the end of my life, can I say that it was worth it all?
I don’t have the answers to these questions. What I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that I have raised strong and loving boys, and they may actually change the world. I have a feeling that it will be all of those small moments in my life that add up in the end to have created a life worth living for. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for…
Love and blessings,