And they call me…..

My husband told me several days ago that Jackson asked him if I would get mad if he called me mom. I knew he had been thinking about something along these lines by the questions he had been asking lately. I should start by explaining why Jackson would be contemplating such a thing. We have had full custody of my husband’s three boys for over 4 years. Jackson doesn’t remember a time that he didn’t live with us and our 13-year-old has been calling me mom for a couple of years. When they first moved in, I explained to them that I was not their mom and didn’t ever want to take her place. My name is C.C. and that is what they could call me. When Jacob first starting calling me mom I was concerned. After giving it much thought, I realized that he was old enough to make that choice on his own and needed me to fill the void that he was feeling by his mom not being in his life consistently.

I am explaining this because so many people simply don’t know that our youngest boys are not mine biologically. I treat them as if they are my own. In my heart they are. When my husband and I married, we said vows not to just each other, but to our children as well. The  wedding ceremony was more about showing them through action that we were combining our family together and making commitments not just between husband and wife, but most importantly to them. If you have read any of my previous posts, you will remember that after the accident that Alex pleaded with the paramedics to help his brothers. We are not a blended family. We are family.

I believe that being a mother is about more than just giving birth. Being a mother isn’t the name your children call you. Being a mother is shown by actions. It is a verb. It means taking them to doctor appointments, making them do their homework and brush their teeth. It means teaching them right and wrong. To hold the door open for women and lift the toilet seat when they use the bathroom (let’s be real here). It means sleepless nights when they are sick. Hugs when they need comfort and discipline when they choose to not follow rules. I treat my husbands boys as I would my own, in every possible way. Of course I want them to love me. I want their approval. But I will not and have never been afraid to do what I know in my heart is best for them. My philosophy has always been that they can grow up to hate me and that is okay with me as long as they grow up to be great men. I love them too much to do anything less.

As we were on our way to Vanderbilt today, Jackson finally decided to discuss it with me. Thank God my husband gave me advance notice because I probably would have cried all the way to Nashville and the whole conversation would have been a catastrophe. I explained to him that I would not be upset in the least and that it was his choice to make. I believe that he will continue to call me C.C., simply out of habit. To be honest, it doesn’t really matter. What did matter was that by his question I know that he knows that I love him as a mother should. He knows that even though I am not his biological mother, I have treated him as my son. And at the end of the day, whatever he chooses to call me, that is all that matters.

 

P.S. I know that this is personal and some would perhaps wonder why I choose to share it. There are several reason… First, this blog is about my life and raising our boys after such a tragic event in our lives. Second, I am an open book. I value truth and can’t expect to receive it unless I am willing to give it. Lastly, life is too short to worry about what others think or being afraid to step on toes, so I don’t 🙂

Love and blessings,

C.C.

Published by

C.C. Hasty Andrews

On August 16, 2015 my life was forever changed. While on the way home from their grandparent's house, 4 of our boys were in a car accident that has dramatically changed our lives. Our 6 year old son was paralyzed from the chest down. Here is our story......

4 thoughts on “And they call me…..

  1. C.C. – may I just say how proud I am of you to see how you have blossomed with the events life has thrown at you. I don’t know that I would have handled the events with the grace you have. You are a special Godly woman and I am honored to watch your family’s story continue to unfold. There is a depth to you and your relationships that we should all try to model. It is very clear that you all are simply “family” as you put it. Beautifully written. Your boys are lucky to have you as their Mom, their C.C. or whatever they may call you. Hugs to you girl!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Jan for your kind words! I know beyond a shadow of doubt that you too would have shown grace should you have ever been faced with such an event in your life! I am just as lucky to have them in my life as well 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I had somehow missed this post so I’m a little late….however I cried the whole time I read this….when my husband and I got married we said vows to our children…showing like you and your hubby that we are a family not blended….I don’t reference my husbands son as a step child….we have full custody….I have loved him from day one just as it seems you have….I follow your story and you inspire me so much to be a batter mother and wife and children of God….I love watching how you lean on God and aren’t scared go share any part of your story….just wanted to let you know you inspire many other mother’s biological or not to be Christian mom’s and raise our children in Godly homes…..and we think yall are pretty awesome 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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